I actually hate going to sleep. First of all because I can’t sleep. Secondly because that it is the time of the day where you reflect on all of your feelings, on all that happened the last few days, all the disappointments, all the mistakes. 

Here I am once again, lying in bed, everything is quite, everyone else in the house is sleeping, and I’m wide awake, as always. 

There is just too many feelings and thoughts inside my head. I just can’t take it. 

I just met a guy yesterday, and we spent the night together in some strangers apartment. I think I might like him, he is really handsome and all, and nice as hell. But the one thing that I’m always thinking, when meeting someone serious is, what is he gonna think when he finds out how mentally unstable I am?

Right now all I want is a healthy mental health. More than anything. But that isn’t the case. 

I just want to be happy, to be able to have a boyfriend, be able to sleep. Just don’t have all of these things and thoughts that makes my life worse. 

I’m gonna smoke a bunch of cigarettes and then pray to all the gods in the world, that I’m gonna sleep. 

– R


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