What is going on in this brain of mine???? 

One day. One freaking fucking day is all I’m asking for. One day without the mental problems. And all the other problems. Because I have per definition, reached my limit. And I can’t take it anymore. 

Two weeks without throwing up, fucking two weeks! And how do I celebrate it? By throwing up. And while the eating disorder took a few days of, mr. anxiety and mrs. OCD took over as the host. Which has resulted in a lot of cigarettes, a wrist full of cuts, and a lot of walking back and forward checking everything. I hate it.

Then my phone won’t work, my charger breaks, Instagram crashes. Mom and dad still fighting, little sister making trouble, older siblings being mean. The guy I’m dating is a boring son of a bitch, who won’t answer and who still is online dating. And I’m right back at the beginning with no food in my stomach and lots of cuts. 

I hate being gay, I hate food, people, eating disorders, cuts, and just everything really. 

Well you gotta love life huh? 

– R 

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6 Replies to “What is going on in this brain of mine???? ”

  1. Uh-oh, sounds like a meltdown.
    I had one of those this weekend. I feel for you. And I’m here for you. I understand what you’re going through and wish I was there to help you climb out of that pit of self-loathing.
    *hugs*
    If you could do anything different, anything positive right this second, what would you do?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You need to celebrate the two weeks you had without issues. It won’t happen over. But it’s progress! Next time you will go longer. Don’t let others bring you down. We are here for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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