Am I capable of love? I know I am, I love my best friends, some of my family and a lot of babies out there!
But when it comes to dating I’m not sure. I have been dating a guy the last couple of weeks. And I honestly don’t feel anything. I never do. It’s the same story each time. Every time they get a bit close to me, I run away.
I think it is a mixture between being ashamed(because I have a lot of Shame connected to being gay) and not being able to let anyone in, that I date, it’s just too much. And I probably should learn to love myself before I try to love others.
But I want a boyfriend. I really do. But he needs to be the one, the guys I’ve dated have always either been evil, immature or to into me. I want someone who accepts me as I am, and let me know that I am beautiful as I am. Mental illness or not. But I just haven’t found him yet.
I hate dating, men, alcohol, sex, being close.
But I want a boyfriend…
Might as well just give up.