Am I capable of love?

Am I capable of love? I know I am, I love my best friends, some of my family and a lot of babies out there! 

But when it comes to dating I’m not sure. I have been dating a guy the last couple of weeks. And I honestly don’t feel anything. I never do. It’s the same story each time. Every time they get a bit close to me, I run away. 

I think it is a mixture between being ashamed(because I have a lot of Shame connected to being gay) and not being able to let anyone in, that I date, it’s just too much. And I probably should learn to love myself before I try to love others. 

But I want a boyfriend. I really do. But he needs to be the one, the guys I’ve dated have always either been evil, immature or to into me. I want someone who accepts me as I am, and let me know that I am beautiful as I am. Mental illness or not. But I just haven’t found him yet. 

I hate dating, men, alcohol, sex, being close. 

But I want a boyfriend… 

Might as well just give up. 

– R


5 Replies to “Am I capable of love?”

  1. The best advice anyone could give you, you already mentioned…you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Know who you are, what you want out of life, and know you can be happy alone before you can truly let someone else in. They should compliment your life, not fill in the missing pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You answered your own question. You do need to love yourself first. And the right guy will come along and be patient, make you feel secure and love you as you are.

    It’s the same for everyone, I’m still waiting to find mr right. I don’t care if he’s straight or bi. But he needs to be the right one for me. I know your pain 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely understand this. While I cannot relate on the sexuality aspect, everything else I do.

    But you do need to love yourself before you can love someone else. That much is true….sadly.

    Dating can be fun and there is nothing wrong with that. But you sound like me… We push people away because of fear of them getting close and then abandoning us. At some point you have to decide to let the walls down a little bit, ya know?

    I am so sorry to hear you are “ashamed” of yourself and your orientation. You should not be!!! Now I also know not everywhere is as open as California…or as open as NorCal. That makes me sick!!! It is not our place to judge others!!! Especially when we judge ourselves harsh enough!! ;]

    I do hope that you come to terms with that aspect at least. That I cannot help you with but to say do not let anyone in your life who makes you question you. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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