What to say?(fucked up society) 

  
I really truly thought that I had it this time, that something amazing had happened, and that I was determined on getting well. But another setback hit me. Since I got back from London I have been throwing up daily again. Which just is not okay. All because that I steped on to the weight scale and discovered that I had gained some weight. 

It makes me wonder, why is it that something so necessary as food can affect my life in such a negative way. Why is it that I’m a victim to our society’s view on the human body. I mean there is so much focus on health, but is it really health? It can’t be healthy that I can’t enjoy food, without being actually scared that I will get fat again. 

And it is not just me. Everyone around me. Even my best friends. They exercise a lot, and worry about what they eat, sometimes skip their meals. This idealistic body and health image has affected all of them as well. And a small thing as this actually also makes it harder for me to get well. Because it is impossible for me to be the only person who eats the most, who focus on happiness instead of being “healthy”, when other people around me don’t. Because a lot of my friends say that they don’t think about these things, but I’m not blind. I can se it. But why. What to say? Nothing. Because no matter what I say I can’t change an entire society. All though it would make it all, a hell of a lot, easier. 

Please tell me what is your view on food, “health”, and body image? 

One positive thing, is that I haven’t been doing self harm since I came back from London, and before London I had a great period where I didn’t cut. And my wrist is actually looking quite well. Which is amazing. But the strongest issues has always been the eating disorder.  And to that I don’t know what to do. 

Therapy is not working, and what else is there? 

All the best 

R

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Friends forever(how I went from depressed to refreshed in 8 days) 

I believe that some people are meant to be in each others lifes. And I know that my friend Theresa is a person that I need to have in my life. 
I’ve had a lot of rough years. And this gap year was not what I expected. I been so sad for a long time. Then my birthday came and I lost all hope. But this trip. This wonderful trip to London helped me get back my hope. 

I met Theresa in 2012, and though she isn’t one of those friends I have known for forever, it sure feels that way. Something magical happened when we met. A true connection was made. We instantly connected, and our friendship has only grown since then. There is just something liberating about two brains who think the same way. I truly love her and worthship our friendship. 

These days in London I have eaten so much delicious food, and just enjoyed it. I have spend the days with a positive and strong person, which instantly changed my mood. 

Sometimes it just helps to get an escape from all the chaos. And a City like London + a true friend = happiness. 

After a few days, her boyfriend Jack came. And seeing those two together, with all of there passion for each other, made me realize that I need something like that, that I don’t want to jump from guy to guy, looking for the right one, always ending up hurt. Instead there need to be a connection. 

I’ve learned a lot on this trip. And there were some setbacks and hard stuff that happened ass well. But after these 8 days I have finally learned to focus on the positive things, and maked them count. Instead of all of the shitty stuff. 

Hope you all are ready for some good old positivity. 

All the best 

R