I really truly thought that I had it this time, that something amazing had happened, and that I was determined on getting well. But another setback hit me. Since I got back from London I have been throwing up daily again. Which just is not okay. All because that I steped on to the weight scale and discovered that I had gained some weight.
It makes me wonder, why is it that something so necessary as food can affect my life in such a negative way. Why is it that I’m a victim to our society’s view on the human body. I mean there is so much focus on health, but is it really health? It can’t be healthy that I can’t enjoy food, without being actually scared that I will get fat again.
And it is not just me. Everyone around me. Even my best friends. They exercise a lot, and worry about what they eat, sometimes skip their meals. This idealistic body and health image has affected all of them as well. And a small thing as this actually also makes it harder for me to get well. Because it is impossible for me to be the only person who eats the most, who focus on happiness instead of being “healthy”, when other people around me don’t. Because a lot of my friends say that they don’t think about these things, but I’m not blind. I can se it. But why. What to say? Nothing. Because no matter what I say I can’t change an entire society. All though it would make it all, a hell of a lot, easier.
Please tell me what is your view on food, “health”, and body image?
One positive thing, is that I haven’t been doing self harm since I came back from London, and before London I had a great period where I didn’t cut. And my wrist is actually looking quite well. Which is amazing. But the strongest issues has always been the eating disorder. And to that I don’t know what to do.
Therapy is not working, and what else is there?
All the best