Confusing men

So I have been seeing this guy, the last couple of months. It is the second time we have shared some kind of relationship. 

He is stil “in the closet”, he won’t even admit that he is gay. 

But he is fucking me, telling me that he likes me, giving me a sense of some kind of relationship. 

The worst part is that I never get “feelings” for men. But of course I got feelings for him. Of course I got vulnerable. 

And then he decides to be an asshole. After I finally admit to myself that I like him. 

He starts acting strange. Confusing. And I finally ask him, what he wants? 

And he says he only want to be friends. And I say I can’t just be friends. Then he gets angry, and then I get angry. 

And now it’s done. And I’m crying, and I’m hurt. And I fucking hate him. 

I’m done. 

All the best 

– R 

What can YOU control?

  
We can’t control everything, and we all know it. But we don’t always use this fact in our lives. 

Today I threw up after a periode of 1 month, without doing it, as a result of the bulimia. And it is so freaking anoying. 

And in this situation, I get frustrated, because I lost control, and now the thoughts are back. And I want to control it all. 

But I can’t. 

Instead I need to ask the question, what can I do now? 

I can’t turn back time, I can’t take away the thoughts. But I can control whether or not, I will do it again. And try to prevent it. And that’s all I need to do. 

Every time we get frustrated we need to ask ourselves the question, what can I do? And what can’t I do? Which takes away a lot of the frustration. 

Imagine that you are at work. You can’t focus, because you have money issues, your have family problems etc. While you are working, you can’t change or fix these issues. What can you do? 

You can keep working, so you will get some money. You can’t fix the problem in your family until you get back home. So focus on working, because at this time that is all you can do. 

A lot of our frustration is empty thoughts, because we use energy on stuff we can’t change. Instead we need to focus on the stuff we actually can control. 

What can you control? 

All the best 

– R