At this point in my life my dad has gotten old and sick. He changed a lot. He is still not a very good father, not to me and my big sister anyway, but he has definitely gotten better with our little sister, which is good.
In my family culture there is no such thing as individualism. Each person is connected with the family’s honor and dignity.
For 20 years I’ve hidden something for my dad. A secret that would change everything.
I never thought that he would know about it. But the my sister og big brother got in their own trouble, and to get focus of them, they told my dad that I was gay.
At first he was chocked, told me it was against his religion, that it wasn’t normal, that I should change it. That he almost had a heart-attack.
Then it got worse. He told me that I would go to hell, that I it was the devil who had taken over my body. That I shouldn’t come home for Christmas and it goes on and on.
Of course I got sad. But I mostly got angry. Because for 20 years this has been my biggest shame, my biggest burden. I’ve hurt myself in horrible ways. I been scared, paranoid and felt watched.
BUT NO NO! THIS IS HARD ON HIM!!!!!
Hard on him? Excuse me, this is one day. I’ve struggled with this for 20 years!!!##
That is what makes me mad. People tell me, well he is chocked. This is hard on him. Maybe he will get used to it. WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS BECOME ABOUT HIM????