Who can I trust? 

Ed Sheeran – Save myself
Growing up, I always watched my mom being alone. Without any friends. I’ve always thought that is was because she simply didn’t have any friends. But turnes out, she just had enough of people letting her down. 
Now, since high school, I’ve always had a lot of friends. But not many of them whom I could actually count on. I’ve ended more friendships and relationships than I’ve had successful ones. 

In the end, who can we really count on? And is it worth being a good friend, when people ends up neglecting you? 

Positions as altruistic, helping hand and victim, are known positions for me. It usually starts with me being altruistic, then me helping someone, and then ending up as the victim. Neglected and forgotten. But there’s a responsibility in whether or not I accept these positions. Unfortunately, as it turns out, these positions are naturally for me. 

I’ve always blame them, the people who neglect me! I guess that I just count on the good in people, on reciprocity. But maybe that is too much to expect? Maybe I should be more selfish and egoistic to be happy? 

Because how can I expect someone to treat me and respect me, when I don’t even treat nor respect myself? 

All I know, is that I am tired, and afraid of ending up like my mom. I am tired of always getting disappointed and hurt. 

Guess I need to save and love myself, before I save someone else. And love myself, before I love someone else. 

Because the rest is too much to expect from people (apparently). 


3 Replies to “Who can I trust? ”

  1. I can totally sympathize with what you wrote, and I have been through that path of emotions about friends and environment. On my side, I could only learn to handle with such things when I stopped categorizing my friendships as best friends to confide in or to help some of them in exchange for their loyalty. Instead, I started to put my needs first and teach myself to be happy on my own. More than anyone else, we spend time with ourselves so the only way not to get hurt by other people’s actions is to stop pitying yourself in any way and embrace yourself with your good and bad without putting much importance on the relationships. People always come and go, and naturally this might be a sad process but in the end, you will always have yourself to count on. When you do that, I am pretty sure that you will have more stable relationships as friends or more.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so sexy. I completely relate. I would actually prematurely end relationships of all varieties for that exact expectation/fear. Then I was convinced I was paranoid. But is it paranoia when it’s true? So twisted…


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