5 things that makes me mad 

  1. When parents call and act like they want to hear about your life, when they really just want to unload their own shit 
  2. When my fat ex boyfriend looses weight after our breakup and finds a new boyfriend 
  3. Thumps up reply 
  4. Eating disorders 
  5. Late night snacks that turns into a late night feast 

10 things that may not be okay for me to feel or think…. 

We all have our dark sides, unhealthy thoughts, or unrealistic ways of life etc. It’s time to speak up! I invite everyone who is reading this, to make their own list. 

Time to confess! 

  1. Sometimes when people share their “normal” problems and issues, I compare it to my own life, and think bitch please your life is easy. I know you can’t compare these things, but I do.. 
  2. When someone is really unattractive, or smells or something, I feel  embarrassed to be seen with them. Which is such a shame.. 
  3. I’m never mean to anyone unless they are mean to me. But when people annoy me, chances are, I will speak behind their backs… Awful!!
  4. There is a big voice in my head that tells me I’m fat, useless, and sick! Sometimes I listen to it.. Which is a big mistake.. 
  5. I’m a strong believer in first impression, and if you give a bad one, it’s gonna take a lot to change that. 
  6. I believe that I will find a true love. A man that is perfect in every single way. A man that will live up to every dream, every requirements. And nothing less. So unrealistic I know, that is probably why I’m single I guess haha. 
  7. My dad always saw and pointed out every single flaw and mistakes that us children had. In result of this, I always find peoples flaws and mistakes, I don’t point them out or say anything, but I analyze them in my head… So sad. 
  8. A part of me identify with being mentally ill, and uses it as an excuse.. Lifecrime.. 
  9. I always look at men in the locker room, and uses the images later on… Weird..
  10. I wish that everyone I meet, would tell me that I’m beautiful.,

This makes me sound like the biggest bitch, and most insecure person ever. I’m really not, I promise. However, it sure did feel good to confess these things.

Write a comment if you’re gonna write a post, I would love to read it! 

All the best 

10 types of people I can’t stand 

  1. The type of person who says that their are “just honest”, but in reality they are just bitches with some serious issues. 
  2. People who call sex intercourse. 
  3. People who refers to sex, as “looking for fun”.
  4. People who only see the world from their narrow perspective. 
  5. People who dryhump you, while you are sleeping. 
  6. People who just expect you to be into them, because they know how hot their are. 
  7. People who don’t know you, but still takes the freedom to define you. 
  8. People who act like they don’t like Ariana Grande. 
  9. People who refer to their friend, as “gay best friend”. 
  10. People who voted for Trump. 

It all end up in lies, I guess… 

  
The beginning. 

The pretend, the facade, the illusion, the tears, the coverup, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the irrational decisions, the toxic thoughts, the denial. 
The flaky friends, the phonies, the toxic friends, the neglect, the trash talking, the lack of respect, the pain. 

The family, the loudness, the yelling, the resentment, the chaos, the broken trust, the broken heart.

The men, the boys, the confusion, the mixed feelings, the runaway, the patience, the rejection. The vulnerability, the lack of love. 

The anxiety, the lack of comfort, the panic, the hiding, the thinking.

The trying, the fighting, the strength, the want. 

The lack of energi, the lack of sleep, the swinging food habits, the throwing up, the giving up, the hate, the anger, the sadness. 

The restlessness, the carelessness, the self harm, the negativity. 

The end. 

– R

Patience(part one of 5)

So I’m going to make a mini series, where I post really short posts about four topics. 

Four topics that I feel is important to me right now, at this moment. 

Today’s topic: Patience 

The year is 2016. A lot of things has been invented. A lot of things has developed. And with all these developments, there is a lot of expectation towards things moving fast. We can stream a movie in less than a minute, and if it takes more than that. We complain. I feel like we don’t appreciate stuff that much anymore. We sort of just expect it all to happen. 

I went to see my therapist today, and we talked a lot about patience. How I don’t have it, but how it’s important. 

But why can’t I bare the idea of being patient?

I guess I just never really like the idea of “waiting”. I hate waiting in line, waiting for a delivery, waiting for a guy to text me back. Waiting for a friend. And lately I hate waiting to get well. 

When working with a mental illness, the main key is one step forward, two steps back. And it is so hard when you are dealing with the two steps back. 

If I look one year back, I felt so much worse back then. I threw so much up back then. And I’m doing better in some ways, but there is still really a long way ahead. However, that’s the thing, it does take a long time to recover. And the key is patience. But it is so frustrating to go on everyday, waiting and working to get on with my life.

Also with dating, I feel like we rush into a lot of relationships, because we see what others have and want it for ourselves. Or we fell like our clock is ticking, and if we don’t find someone now, we won’t ever. But again patience is the key, it will happen! May not now, may not tommorow but it will.(At least I hope so).. 

And with so many other things, I feel like we live in a world where things need to happen fast! Things need to be accomplished fast! But why??? 

I mean why the fuck?

Be patient everyone. 

All the best 

– R

5 things I need(updated version)

  1. 30 thousand, so I can travel away from all my problems 
  2. A new therapist who knows how to fix me 
  3. A boyfriend who can love like a soft boy, and fuck like a fuckboy
  4. A change to perform with my music 
  5. A direction in life 

– R

What you see – Original song

So the last couple of weeks, I have been working on a song. It is called “what you see”. It is about how things aren’t always how they seem, and how it is to be the only one who see the truth.

I am having a cold at the moment, so not my best singing, but please listen and give me some comments.

What you see

Pictures on the wall
Think they been there too long
They don’t show what they see
Do you believe

Sweet piano sound
Why are you playing so loud
Are you hiding the truth
Behind the tone

Chorus

Colors hide me from the dark
Sweet melody guide my way
Underneath it all we scream
But that ain’t what you see

Sweet little boy
You will learn to grow strong
You will see the things
They don’t believe

Chorus

Colors hide me from the dark
Sweet melody guide my way
Underneath it all we scream
But that ain’t what you see

Bridge
And it’s not your fault
Somethings can’t be fixed
Pictures won’t show the truth
That is what you see

Chorus

Colors hide me from the dark
Sweet melody guide my way
Underneath it all we scream
But that ain’t what you see

Enjoy!

All the best

-R